Cleaning out my closet today felt amazing. I had no idea how
many sundresses I had in there. I’m beginning to think I have a problem…
So lets take a break from food- I want to talk about
something that’s been bothering me.
After eight months spending much of my time either bedridden
or staring at the walls, getting used to the real world is challenging. I have
always felt a little socially awkward
but this feeling is different- like every time I’m in public I try to
figure my way through a social labyrinth. I forgot what it was like to talk to
people who weren’t close friends and family. Dealing with passive aggression or
just a person with a different personality than I’m used to can be hard,
especially when I’m not feeling 100% healthy yet. Sometimes I want to play the
sick person card and tell them what I’ve been going through and maybe then they
would ease up.
But truth is people are going to say upsetting things to you
no matter what. They’re going to be judgmental, competitive, passive or even
jealous by human nature (even if you know they don’t have anything to be
jealous of- I’ve literally been suffering!). Just because I have a ridiculously
large collection of brightly colored dresses, doesn’t mean I’m unintelligent. Just because I like crafting doesn't mean I'm not tough. Just because I graduated from a state college doesn't mean you can talk down to me. And just because I like generic television and music doesn’t give you the right
to assume I was a sorority girl in college (that actually happened). Sometimes,
as I stew over it hours later (I’m Irish it’s what we do) they probably didn’t even
mean to be offensive or maybe they completely forgot it happened.
Maybe you can relate? There is nothing worse than mustering
up the courage to leave the house even if you don’t feel well, then someone tries
to make you feel bad about yourself or put you down, whether its on purpose or not.
That’s when I take a deep breath and remind myself how lucky
I am just being out of the house in this moment talking to this stranger, even if I’m not
enjoying it.
Although I've become more compassionate for people who are also fighting, struggling and dealing with poor health, I am more annoyed by the complainers. I’m so sick of hearing
girls complain about how their appearance. I want to tell them “so what if you
don’t like your hair or your teeth- your body works.” I would do anything for my body to work. (endrant) I know I can’t exactly come out and say
something like this. Before my sickness the biggest complaint about my
body was my thigh fat and scar from an operation. Maybe they don’t know how it feels to suffer (or maybe they do). Maybe they don’t know they’re taking their body for
granted.
Again, more deep breaths.
The moral of this story is to treat everyone with decency;
you honestly don’t know what they’re going though. They could look completely
fine, better than ever, but more may be going on under the surface. Its graduation season so we have a lot of parties and social events to attend- I'm dreading the small talk. But it's a good time for me to practice my people skills... and testing my willpower to resist cookout treats!
No comments:
Post a Comment